Middle School Crush

Oh my goodness.  I am acting like such a twelve year old right now, and I honestly mean that in the best way possible.

You remember those middle school days when you would have a crush on a boy, right?  When you would get excited just to see him in the hallway and you would think of silly ways to accidentally-on-purpose bump into him?  (Well, at least that's what I did.)  That's pretty much how I've been acting lately.  Okay, I'm not bumping into anyone, but when talking to my friends (one in particular since she knows the guy), I find myself saying things like: "And then he walked past me, when he totally could have gone around the other way since he knew I was there!" and "He took a double take when he saw me today!"  Sigh.  I'm having so much fun with it though.  And it's those feelings of, I just want to tell everyone that I have a crush on so-and-so, but yet, I don't want anyone to know, but yet, I want everyone to know!

But then sometimes I go into what-if-something-actually-happened mode:

- would he really like me back?

- what if we went out and things were awkward?

- what if we started seriously dating?  Is he really someone I'd want to have a long relationship with?

- am I mature enough for something long term?

- what happens if/when there's a break up?

Why do all these questions have to come along?  Why can't I just live in the moment and enjoy the silliness of my middle school crush?  Why do I have to overthink everything?

These weren't really questions I concerned myself with at twelve, with the exception of the first one.  It was a time when "going out" simply meant holding hands in the hallway and being driven to a movie by the parentals.

I guess I'll just continue with my silliness (check), have fun (check), not expect anything (I'll have to work on that one), and see where it leads!