The highs are usually followed by the lows

I had a great time last night with my family.  It was like "Leave it to Beaver" kind of perfect family fun night.

Today...

- I was frustrated at work because I hate being treated like I'm less than I am (who doesn't?)

- I came home to a bit of grumpiness, which has nothing to do with me, but I still am affected by it

And now my stomach is all knotted with nerves.

EDIT: Okay, things are better now.  But it was almost funny because I had a feeling that today would be bad since last night was so much fun.

And I should be having some good news to share soon (hopefully tomorrow)!

"Because if you can't say it at Christmas, when can you?"

On a more upbeat note than the last post...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

It's still Christmas Eve, but Merry Christmas to everyone!  I love you all and I hope you have a fabulous day tomorrow!

I know it's Christmas Eve, but here's a letter of complaint

Dear Parents Who Shop With Children,

Isn't it sad that on Christmas Eve, of all days, I temporarily lost my belief that people are generally good thanks to you?

Okay, maybe not that far.  But I honestly don't understand why you don't teach your children anything anymore.  Or maybe it's the sense of entitlement that seems to follow the generation.  It just seems that you don't respect things.  Or understand that when your child says he has to go to the bathroom you should listen to him, and not wait until he goes all over the train table and I get to be the lucky one to mop it up.  Please tell me where in my job description it says that I'm supposed to be a maid.

You are always very disgruntled when the book that you want has a page that is slightly bent or doesn't have the plastic wrapped around it.  But when it's your child who is bending up a book, throwing them around, stepping on them and pretending they're ice skates, then whatever.  It's not your problem.  It's just so easy for you to ignore them and consider us as your free babysitters, cleaning and picking up after them.  Guess what?  That's not what I'm being paid for.

And I really don't need any attitude for you.  I generally start off at work happy each day, but thanks to your behavior and that of your children, I lose my positive attitude.  I can only imagine how those less optimistic than myself deal with these situations.

So thanks for not listening,

Fed Up Children's Department Bookseller

Please don't hurt my feelings

Is there any way to get over being afraid of getting your feelings hurt?

I trust friends and family; I'll let them in.  But whenever a romantic situation starts up, I freak out, not wanting to get too close for fear of being hurt.

Someone pointed out to me that I am a bit more sensitive than the normal person; I feed off of other people's feelings and I easily am affected by things that people say to me and the way they say them.

But I kind of need to get over this if I'm ever going to embark upon (corny, I know) any relationships.

Guy + Attention = Uninterested Me, Guy - Attention = Interested Me

Like others, I love the chase.

I seem to go back and forth sometimes on how I feel about some guys.  Interested, not interested, all depending on how much interest they show in me.

Guy 1: I find out from a girl friend that he is asking about me and likes me.  I don't feel the same way, but suddenly talking to him is a bit more fun since I know he finds me fascinating.  Things continue this way till I start to sense that he really likes me and so I back off, because I don't want lead him on.  It's at this moment that he asks me out and I have to do my awkward rejection, giving work as my excuse since I don't want to hurt his feelings.  He backs off a bit, but still wants to get to know me.  All of a sudden, I start missing the interest that he had been having in me, so I start talking to him more.  And I start thinking, maybe I should go out with him.  But then I do the test: would I want to kiss him?  The answer is still no, but I want to hang out with him, because we do get along really well, but again, I don't want to lead him on.

Guy 2: I didn't really start talking to him till on a group outing (where incidentally Guy 1 got kind of jealous - I didn't do it on purpose!) and he asked for my number.  A week or so later, he called and asked if I wanted to go see a horror movie.  I wasn't sure about the situation plus I didn't want to cause any problems  with Guy 1 so I said no (plus I don't see horror movies - hello nightmares!).  Now I keep going back and forth with how I feel about him depending on how he acts toward me.  He's so not my type and entirely too sensitive, so I really should just leave it alone.

Guy 3: My blue-eyed boy.  Every conversation with him is such a success since he doesn't talk much.  But nothing will happen unless I initiate because 1) he probably isn't that interested me, and 2) he's so shy.  But I'm not an initiating kind of girl.  Well, unless bribed: I asked a guy to my semiformal once in order for my mom to buy me a new dress, since she would only do so if I had a date.  I need a situation like that again!  Anyway, he never shows much interest in me, so is that part of my crush on him?  For a day I decided that I didn't like him.  But that didn't last long.

The chase is indeed fun.  I almost feel that if blue-eyed boy were to actually like me back, I'd run the other way.  Part of my reluctance in asking out blue-eyed boy is my own fear of getting my feelings hurt, but that is another issue.  And I know that I don't really like the other two, but I kind of want to date them just so I can add some experience to my dating resume.  But that's not fair to them.  So what should I do?

P.S. Sorry about the lack of consistency in tense.

Hot Guy Part 2

Turns out he wasn't Scottish.  He came back today and a fellow employee with more guts than me asked him where he was from.  Apparently he's from Florida, but has lived most recently in Slovakia.  Who knew that Scottish and Slovakian - is that even correct? - accents sounded alike?

Hot Scottish Guy

A hot Scottish guy came into work today.

I was literally swooning.

I still am.

He looked kind of like a cuter version of Justin Bobby from "The Hills."

And he sounded like heaven.

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle"

I'm not really, but Lenka's "The Show" is such a cute song!  Luckily, it's on the B&N store playlist this month and I get to listen to at work and unashamedly bop along.  And I have half the boys who work in the music department wrapped around my little finger, so whenever I'm working, they play it. :)  Just a little harmless flirting, right?

In other news, I've had a really tough week.  We got our Christmas tree and decorated it, but it was so hard without Minnie this year.  She was such an important member of our family, and I still miss her so so so much.  I actually cried at work a couple times.  Not tears streaming down my face, but having to escape to the break room to calm down.  I didn't realize how much people notice me, until several people, particularly managers, kept coming up to me asking what was wrong.  Although I am usually very cheery, so that was quite a contrast.  And I had a bad hair day Tuesday.

I finally felt happy on Friday though, partly because it was my first day off in awhile, which was a much needed break after three bookfairs this week with millions of children running around creating endless amounts of work and headaches for everyone.  So what did I do?  I bought Britney's album!  It's so much fun.  "Womanizer" of course is super, but "Circus" is definitely my new favorite, with "If U Seek Amy" being close too.  I was confused about what it was trying to say though, so I looked it up and discovered that the title has another meaning if you say it aloud quickly, sort of like that track from the Atonement soundtrack: "Cee, You, and Tea."

Now I need to go work on a new movie marathon that I just created for myself with the wonder that is DVR: The Shop Around the Corner, In the Good Old Summertime, and You've Got Mail.  Everyone knows that that last one is based on the first, but the middle one is the same story too, but a musical!  Therefore, the characters also work in a music store instead of a book store, but I watched a little last night, and I swear, You've Got Mail stole a scene straight from it.