Please don't hurt my feelings

Is there any way to get over being afraid of getting your feelings hurt?

I trust friends and family; I'll let them in.  But whenever a romantic situation starts up, I freak out, not wanting to get too close for fear of being hurt.

Someone pointed out to me that I am a bit more sensitive than the normal person; I feed off of other people's feelings and I easily am affected by things that people say to me and the way they say them.

But I kind of need to get over this if I'm ever going to embark upon (corny, I know) any relationships.

Guy + Attention = Uninterested Me, Guy - Attention = Interested Me

Like others, I love the chase.

I seem to go back and forth sometimes on how I feel about some guys.  Interested, not interested, all depending on how much interest they show in me.

Guy 1: I find out from a girl friend that he is asking about me and likes me.  I don't feel the same way, but suddenly talking to him is a bit more fun since I know he finds me fascinating.  Things continue this way till I start to sense that he really likes me and so I back off, because I don't want lead him on.  It's at this moment that he asks me out and I have to do my awkward rejection, giving work as my excuse since I don't want to hurt his feelings.  He backs off a bit, but still wants to get to know me.  All of a sudden, I start missing the interest that he had been having in me, so I start talking to him more.  And I start thinking, maybe I should go out with him.  But then I do the test: would I want to kiss him?  The answer is still no, but I want to hang out with him, because we do get along really well, but again, I don't want to lead him on.

Guy 2: I didn't really start talking to him till on a group outing (where incidentally Guy 1 got kind of jealous - I didn't do it on purpose!) and he asked for my number.  A week or so later, he called and asked if I wanted to go see a horror movie.  I wasn't sure about the situation plus I didn't want to cause any problems  with Guy 1 so I said no (plus I don't see horror movies - hello nightmares!).  Now I keep going back and forth with how I feel about him depending on how he acts toward me.  He's so not my type and entirely too sensitive, so I really should just leave it alone.

Guy 3: My blue-eyed boy.  Every conversation with him is such a success since he doesn't talk much.  But nothing will happen unless I initiate because 1) he probably isn't that interested me, and 2) he's so shy.  But I'm not an initiating kind of girl.  Well, unless bribed: I asked a guy to my semiformal once in order for my mom to buy me a new dress, since she would only do so if I had a date.  I need a situation like that again!  Anyway, he never shows much interest in me, so is that part of my crush on him?  For a day I decided that I didn't like him.  But that didn't last long.

The chase is indeed fun.  I almost feel that if blue-eyed boy were to actually like me back, I'd run the other way.  Part of my reluctance in asking out blue-eyed boy is my own fear of getting my feelings hurt, but that is another issue.  And I know that I don't really like the other two, but I kind of want to date them just so I can add some experience to my dating resume.  But that's not fair to them.  So what should I do?

P.S. Sorry about the lack of consistency in tense.

Update - But Nothing Has Changed

I wore boots today in order to inspire courage and they failed me.

But he looks so adorable in a sweatshirt and jeans. *sigh*

ARGH!!!!!

I thought that maybe I would be happy just enjoying the crush life, but no.  Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to be forward and see if I can get something started.

EDIT: I was choosing my labels for this post and realized how much more boy-centric this blog has become since old blue eyes popped onto the scene.  I was going to be so careful about not mentioning that stuff.  Nevermind. :)

Middle School Crush

Oh my goodness.  I am acting like such a twelve year old right now, and I honestly mean that in the best way possible.

You remember those middle school days when you would have a crush on a boy, right?  When you would get excited just to see him in the hallway and you would think of silly ways to accidentally-on-purpose bump into him?  (Well, at least that's what I did.)  That's pretty much how I've been acting lately.  Okay, I'm not bumping into anyone, but when talking to my friends (one in particular since she knows the guy), I find myself saying things like: "And then he walked past me, when he totally could have gone around the other way since he knew I was there!" and "He took a double take when he saw me today!"  Sigh.  I'm having so much fun with it though.  And it's those feelings of, I just want to tell everyone that I have a crush on so-and-so, but yet, I don't want anyone to know, but yet, I want everyone to know!

But then sometimes I go into what-if-something-actually-happened mode:

- would he really like me back?

- what if we went out and things were awkward?

- what if we started seriously dating?  Is he really someone I'd want to have a long relationship with?

- am I mature enough for something long term?

- what happens if/when there's a break up?

Why do all these questions have to come along?  Why can't I just live in the moment and enjoy the silliness of my middle school crush?  Why do I have to overthink everything?

These weren't really questions I concerned myself with at twelve, with the exception of the first one.  It was a time when "going out" simply meant holding hands in the hallway and being driven to a movie by the parentals.

I guess I'll just continue with my silliness (check), have fun (check), not expect anything (I'll have to work on that one), and see where it leads!

Is it okay that I'm oblivious?

This weekend I found out about two people I know that have started dating.  I had no idea and have never seen the signs, though apparently to others, it was quite obvious.  And I never know when someone is interested in me without someone outright telling me, "So-and-so likes you."

Is it okay that I'm so oblivious to these romantic cues?  Is it just my lack of experience?  My lack of really seeking the signs?  Boys and dating have never really been at the top of my priorities, so maybe I just never cared enough to notice these things?

Another friend told me there's nothing wrong with me, that's just how I am and another friend is just like me.  So again, is this okay and if not, how do I learn to read the signs not only when someone is interested in me, but also to pick up on signals when two other people are interested in each other?