Booooooored

I'm bored at work. Not a surprise. But add to that anticipation for going out for happy hour at 5 and the minutes just seem to tick by even slower. So I'm doing what I would do when I was younger on Christmas Day. I wasn't allowed to wake up my parents until 8am, but due to the excitement, I would invariably wake up before the set time. So I would pull out a journal and write. Usually the actually writing was interspersed with a countdown of how many minutes I had left before I could officially wake up my parents. So right now we're at:

1 hour, 15 minutes. Ugh.

Though, that number is better than earlier in the day. And some people are going out at 4. Jealous! I want to leave then too. But I'm pretty stuck at a 5 o' clock departure time. One guy suggested I pull the old "female problems" routine with my male bosses to get out early, but I hate using that. I only like using my femininity in productive ways.

Which leads me to a thought on women in the workplace. I dislike some of them and the way they act. I dislike how women think they have to be bitches in order to get ahead. I think you can garner just as much respect by being courteous, but stern. And then the women who only wear pant suits or other masculine looks. No thanks. I believe I have much more power in a skirt or dress. I prefer to highlight my feminine features, instead of downplaying them. Not in a slutty or inappropriate way, because that won't get you anywhere. But wearing heels adds an extra spring in your step.

1 hour 10 minutes. I type too fast. That's one way my old journals were better. It took longer to write out each word as opposed to my relative quick typing skills.

Oh stream of conscious. It's so east. Just write whatever pops into my head. Which is apparently talking about stream of conscious. And then writing in not very complete sentences, which doesn't matter since I'm just streaming my thoughts. I wonder how the word "stream" came to be used in that phrase?

I bet by the time 5 comes around I'll be tired. I'm already coming down from my earlier energy. It was rather excessive. I felt like I could run around the building.

I guess I could organize the pantry.

Apparently what also works is telling your boss you have a happy hour and then he tells you to go ahead and sneak out early! Not as early as 4, but hey, I'll take what I can get.

So I'm going to go with...35 minutes till I leave! (Though it would have been 55 without my earlier release to freedom.) I think 4:40 is acceptable. Eeeeeeeeee! I'm so excited.

20 minutes.

10 minutes.

Time to wrap up!

"I am so much better than before"

Can I just say how much I love the Legally Blonde: The Musical soundtrack?  This may sound cheesy, but it's kind of inspirational, particularly "So Much Better," when Elle gets the internship and realizes that she's more than just the blonde sorority girl that Warner dumped.  I sort of feel like that right now, so I love the pride she feels in herself and the bit of healthy revenge she has toward Warner and Vivian.  This soundtrack is the only CD that I can handle listening to right now.  I don't even want to listen to break up songs, which I normally love!  Oh well, here is my favorite song of the moment:

All of this time I planned

I'd be patient and

You would love me again

You'd come to respect my mind

And at last you'd find

You could love me again

And I have turned my whole world upside down

Trying not to let you go

Watching you walk away

Is like a fatal blow

Whoa!

Is that my name up on that list?

Does someone know that I exist?

Is this a mistake?

Am I even awake?

Pinch me now to make sure - ow!

Yes that's my name in black and white

Maybe I'm doing something right

Wow, I feel so much better than before

Warner!

Sorry I've been a pest

But I guess my best

Wasn't working for you

But looks like I found a cure

And I so look forward to working with you

Hey remember when we spent spring break

In the hot tub every night

You said nothing else

Would ever feel so right

Well this might!

Seeing my name up on that list

That beats the first time that we kissed

You thought I was dumb

But I think that somebody's judgement was poor

Seeing my name in black and white

It's like making love with you all night

No wait!  It feels so much better

Hello, much better

It's oh, oh, oh, oh, OH - much better

'Cause I am so much better than before

Maybe she's what you prefer

But hey, last year I was her

Maybe you will change your mind

But you might look up to find

I've gone on to better things

Better jobs or bigger rings

I don't have the time to cry

I'm too busy loving my name up on that list

Kind of a cool ironic twist

Who else can I tell?

Ooh wait, where's my cell?

Mom will fall on the floor

Hey Mom!

Look at my name in black and white

Your daughter's doing something right

I feel so much better

I'll be there on Monday nine o' clock

And we will see who walks the walk

No no I can't wait

I will be there at eight

When they unlock the door

Oh oh!

I'll even dress in black and white

You see I have not begun to fight

And you'll go OH much better

Hello, much better

And soon all y'all gonna know much better

I am so much better

I am so much better

I am so much better than before!

La la la

I should be going to bed right now, but I'm not tired.  Naturally, I was exhausted at 7pm and therefore dozed in my chair for 15 minutes which rejuvenated me enough so that I'm not tired now at 11:30pm.  Well, I don't suppose that caramel frappuccino helped either. :)

I'm also going back and forth about a boy.  Isn't that always how it is?  To trust or not to trust.  Is he telling me the truth or just what I want to hear so he can get what he wants?  I need a good night's sleep to escape these thoughts, but obviously from the above paragraph, I'm having trouble achieving that.

Ooh wait, I think I'm starting to feel tired...

Whenever I have a problem that I want to escape, I always imagine some alternate life where I don't have to deal with it.  Unfortunately, as I've gotten older that has become more difficult to do as I see things more realistically.  I can't just pretend to be a princess of one kingdom while a prince from another kingdom woos me (a scenario I played out often).  Now I think of what countries actually have royalty, instead of being able to just imagine out my own countries/kingdoms.  (I actually still have a map of one such kingdom in an old notebook.)  I loved creating my imaginary worlds and I miss that I can't do that anymore.  Maybe that's why I like to write.  Though I'm not in them, these worlds are still created and I can put my own characters into them.  And one of those characters always has red hair. :)

I have three ideas that I'm working on right now, but I'm trying to figure out which I should put first.

1) I have 10,000 words on this one, but it needs to be redone to better fit its audience.  And the outline isn't complete because I'm not quite sure how to solve the major issue.

2) About 7,000 words written and only basic revision is needed.  I just recently got some new ideas for this one, but I'm not sure if the overall story is strong enough and what else I should put into it to make the stakes higher for the main character.

3) More difficult to tackle, with a rotating POV between 4 girls.  I have each of their story lines completely outlined, plus an overall situation to tie them together, but I'm not sure how to weave the stories together.

I need to find a writing partner or group to help me figure this out.  It's so difficult to analyze what needs to be done on my own!

Well, at least I'm distracted from my unpleasant situation.  But I won't go to sleep any easier with my brain active with stories. :)

Pride & Prejudice books are so not Pride & Prejudice

I seem to be on a themed reading binge right now.  I just read Prada and Prejudice and am currently reading Me and Mr. Darcy.  Anyone recognize what's going on here?

I know there have been the fan fiction pieces that are basically sequels of the original.  But these two (as well as Austenland, which I read earlier this year) take modern girls and somehow throw them into the P&P world.  (Side note: There's also Pride and Prejudice and Zombies which has been incredibly popular at the bookstore.)

Prada doesn't actually relate to the P&P storyline.  It's about a fifteen year old American girl visiting London for a summer trip when she falls (in Prada shoes) and wakes up in Regency times, the times of P&P.  And then, for good measure, the male lead is a match for Darcy's demeanor.  The other two have main characters that take Jane Austen trips to England.

The point?  While the stories are cute concepts, the writing is no where near is good as the original.  The authors make use of bad techniques, such as having a main character describe her appearance while looking at a mirror.  So over done and it's a cop out.  The characters are so typical: is every Jane Austen fan a single girl who claims to be so over love and relationships, but as soon as a Darcy-ish guy comes along, she falls hard?  And I know with chick lit it's easy to pick out who the heroine is going to end up with, but come on, at least give the reader a couple options instead of just the one obvious guy.

I also started wondering if a book has ever been written that is very similar to P&P, but set in modern day and in high school.  You know, a la The Taming of the Shrew and 10 Things I Hate About You?  For example, with Bingley and Darcy being newcomers in town; that wouldn't work in a regular town today so much, but new students in a high school?  There would totally be a riot amongst the girls.  Hmm... :)

New Direction

So I've kind of abandoned this, but my life has been pretty boring so I don't feel like commenting on or writing about it.  So I think I'm going to refocus this so that there are topics that relate to me and my interests, topics that can be defined into a single category: girly things!  I think I already have characteristics that support this:

Nickname (at one place of work): Princess K

Favorite Colors: purple and pink

Favorite Movies: The Sound of Music and Cinderella

Not to mention my love for purses and expensive things.

So we'll see how this goes, if I find myself more likely to write if I write about Chanel and girly entertainment and the dream house that I just found (if I were to ever live in California).

10,000 Words!

So I'm super excited because I finally reached 10,000 words on my...novel.  I normally just refer to the things I write as stories, but it is on its way to being a novel, so I might as well call it that.  Although, that means admitting that I'm writing one.  But anyone who reads this pretty much already knows about my literary ambitions.

For those not in the know, teen novels and chick lit novels are usually about 50K, meaning I'm 20% of the way done!  It doesn't seem like a lot, but it's the most I've ever written before, so it's a nice accomplishment for me.

Just 40,000 more to go!

The highs are usually followed by the lows

I had a great time last night with my family.  It was like "Leave it to Beaver" kind of perfect family fun night.

Today...

- I was frustrated at work because I hate being treated like I'm less than I am (who doesn't?)

- I came home to a bit of grumpiness, which has nothing to do with me, but I still am affected by it

And now my stomach is all knotted with nerves.

EDIT: Okay, things are better now.  But it was almost funny because I had a feeling that today would be bad since last night was so much fun.

And I should be having some good news to share soon (hopefully tomorrow)!

"Because if you can't say it at Christmas, when can you?"

On a more upbeat note than the last post...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

It's still Christmas Eve, but Merry Christmas to everyone!  I love you all and I hope you have a fabulous day tomorrow!

I know it's Christmas Eve, but here's a letter of complaint

Dear Parents Who Shop With Children,

Isn't it sad that on Christmas Eve, of all days, I temporarily lost my belief that people are generally good thanks to you?

Okay, maybe not that far.  But I honestly don't understand why you don't teach your children anything anymore.  Or maybe it's the sense of entitlement that seems to follow the generation.  It just seems that you don't respect things.  Or understand that when your child says he has to go to the bathroom you should listen to him, and not wait until he goes all over the train table and I get to be the lucky one to mop it up.  Please tell me where in my job description it says that I'm supposed to be a maid.

You are always very disgruntled when the book that you want has a page that is slightly bent or doesn't have the plastic wrapped around it.  But when it's your child who is bending up a book, throwing them around, stepping on them and pretending they're ice skates, then whatever.  It's not your problem.  It's just so easy for you to ignore them and consider us as your free babysitters, cleaning and picking up after them.  Guess what?  That's not what I'm being paid for.

And I really don't need any attitude for you.  I generally start off at work happy each day, but thanks to your behavior and that of your children, I lose my positive attitude.  I can only imagine how those less optimistic than myself deal with these situations.

So thanks for not listening,

Fed Up Children's Department Bookseller

Please don't hurt my feelings

Is there any way to get over being afraid of getting your feelings hurt?

I trust friends and family; I'll let them in.  But whenever a romantic situation starts up, I freak out, not wanting to get too close for fear of being hurt.

Someone pointed out to me that I am a bit more sensitive than the normal person; I feed off of other people's feelings and I easily am affected by things that people say to me and the way they say them.

But I kind of need to get over this if I'm ever going to embark upon (corny, I know) any relationships.

Guy + Attention = Uninterested Me, Guy - Attention = Interested Me

Like others, I love the chase.

I seem to go back and forth sometimes on how I feel about some guys.  Interested, not interested, all depending on how much interest they show in me.

Guy 1: I find out from a girl friend that he is asking about me and likes me.  I don't feel the same way, but suddenly talking to him is a bit more fun since I know he finds me fascinating.  Things continue this way till I start to sense that he really likes me and so I back off, because I don't want lead him on.  It's at this moment that he asks me out and I have to do my awkward rejection, giving work as my excuse since I don't want to hurt his feelings.  He backs off a bit, but still wants to get to know me.  All of a sudden, I start missing the interest that he had been having in me, so I start talking to him more.  And I start thinking, maybe I should go out with him.  But then I do the test: would I want to kiss him?  The answer is still no, but I want to hang out with him, because we do get along really well, but again, I don't want to lead him on.

Guy 2: I didn't really start talking to him till on a group outing (where incidentally Guy 1 got kind of jealous - I didn't do it on purpose!) and he asked for my number.  A week or so later, he called and asked if I wanted to go see a horror movie.  I wasn't sure about the situation plus I didn't want to cause any problems  with Guy 1 so I said no (plus I don't see horror movies - hello nightmares!).  Now I keep going back and forth with how I feel about him depending on how he acts toward me.  He's so not my type and entirely too sensitive, so I really should just leave it alone.

Guy 3: My blue-eyed boy.  Every conversation with him is such a success since he doesn't talk much.  But nothing will happen unless I initiate because 1) he probably isn't that interested me, and 2) he's so shy.  But I'm not an initiating kind of girl.  Well, unless bribed: I asked a guy to my semiformal once in order for my mom to buy me a new dress, since she would only do so if I had a date.  I need a situation like that again!  Anyway, he never shows much interest in me, so is that part of my crush on him?  For a day I decided that I didn't like him.  But that didn't last long.

The chase is indeed fun.  I almost feel that if blue-eyed boy were to actually like me back, I'd run the other way.  Part of my reluctance in asking out blue-eyed boy is my own fear of getting my feelings hurt, but that is another issue.  And I know that I don't really like the other two, but I kind of want to date them just so I can add some experience to my dating resume.  But that's not fair to them.  So what should I do?

P.S. Sorry about the lack of consistency in tense.

Hot Guy Part 2

Turns out he wasn't Scottish.  He came back today and a fellow employee with more guts than me asked him where he was from.  Apparently he's from Florida, but has lived most recently in Slovakia.  Who knew that Scottish and Slovakian - is that even correct? - accents sounded alike?

Hot Scottish Guy

A hot Scottish guy came into work today.

I was literally swooning.

I still am.

He looked kind of like a cuter version of Justin Bobby from "The Hills."

And he sounded like heaven.

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle"

I'm not really, but Lenka's "The Show" is such a cute song!  Luckily, it's on the B&N store playlist this month and I get to listen to at work and unashamedly bop along.  And I have half the boys who work in the music department wrapped around my little finger, so whenever I'm working, they play it. :)  Just a little harmless flirting, right?

In other news, I've had a really tough week.  We got our Christmas tree and decorated it, but it was so hard without Minnie this year.  She was such an important member of our family, and I still miss her so so so much.  I actually cried at work a couple times.  Not tears streaming down my face, but having to escape to the break room to calm down.  I didn't realize how much people notice me, until several people, particularly managers, kept coming up to me asking what was wrong.  Although I am usually very cheery, so that was quite a contrast.  And I had a bad hair day Tuesday.

I finally felt happy on Friday though, partly because it was my first day off in awhile, which was a much needed break after three bookfairs this week with millions of children running around creating endless amounts of work and headaches for everyone.  So what did I do?  I bought Britney's album!  It's so much fun.  "Womanizer" of course is super, but "Circus" is definitely my new favorite, with "If U Seek Amy" being close too.  I was confused about what it was trying to say though, so I looked it up and discovered that the title has another meaning if you say it aloud quickly, sort of like that track from the Atonement soundtrack: "Cee, You, and Tea."

Now I need to go work on a new movie marathon that I just created for myself with the wonder that is DVR: The Shop Around the Corner, In the Good Old Summertime, and You've Got Mail.  Everyone knows that that last one is based on the first, but the middle one is the same story too, but a musical!  Therefore, the characters also work in a music store instead of a book store, but I watched a little last night, and I swear, You've Got Mail stole a scene straight from it.

St Andrews

Though I'm not there anymore, I simply had to share this photo when I saw it posted up on my friend's Facebook.  This was where I lived while over there.  My room was on the second floor, the window furthest to the left.  What you don't see is the beautiful St Andrews Bay/North Sea, which is to the far left, and to which the girls next door had a great view.  The girls who live there call themselves the Wardlaw princesses, Wardlaw for the name of that wing of our dorm, and princess since Wardlaw looks so much like a castle.  Perfect for me, huh? :)

The snow never stuck much when I was there, but isn't this lovely?

My Fall 2008 TV Week

Going from college where I had my room and could watch whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to home with the parentals and having to watch TV in the family room has definitely had an influence on what I watch.  And the fact that sometimes my work schedule has me working at night.  Luckily, we just got DVR, which means I never have to miss certain shows again!  These are the ones though that I have to watch:

Sunday: I'm all about Desperate Housewives.  It's my bonding with my mom.  I've been watching it since it started and this is the first season where I've actually been able to watch it with my mom in the same room, instead of calling her from school during the commercial breaks to discuss it.  It's definitely still a fave and this season is particularly juicy.

Monday: The Hills.  I was never an avid watcher of it.  My roommates would watch it, but it conflicted with The Bachelor last year, and I had a standing date with a friend for that show.  Now, I cannot wait for Mondays at 10pm and am catching up on the previous seasons online.

Tuesday: NCIS is my new favorite show.  I would tolerate it before when my parents would watch it, not really paying attention.  I don't know what happened, but I am suddenly obsessed with this show!  It has everything: attractive guys - one for each generation in the forms of Mark Harmon and Michael Weatherly, an adorably quirky girl, a hint of sexual tension, and it's local - NCIS is based in the Navy Yard in DC.  Thank goodness for its syndication on USA and Ion this season, so I can catch up!

Friday: Since watching The Hills itself is never enough, I watch The Soup on E!, since a clip of Audrina or Heidi is usually featured in Joel McHale's funny commentary of the week in TV.  Some of the best inside jokes from my roommates from last year and I come from this show.

Noticeably missing?

- Grey's Anatomy.  If I happen to be not working or have other plans, I'll watch it, but it's definitely not a must see anymore for me.

- I tried watching the new 90210, but I'm such a fan of the original that I just can't get into this new cast.  Plus the first ten minutes of the pilot were excruciating.  The dialogue and acting were so corny.

What am I excited about for Spring 2009?

- The return of LOST.  I cannot wait to find out what is going to be revealed this season.  Who's really dead?  Will the Oceanic Six find the island again?

- The newest season of The Bachelor.  I'm not at all the gooey romantic type, but I love this show.  I think it's more the way the women act; I like to see how catty they'll get or if there are any amusing personalities.

What do you have to watch?

Update - But Nothing Has Changed

I wore boots today in order to inspire courage and they failed me.

But he looks so adorable in a sweatshirt and jeans. *sigh*

ARGH!!!!!

I thought that maybe I would be happy just enjoying the crush life, but no.  Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to be forward and see if I can get something started.

EDIT: I was choosing my labels for this post and realized how much more boy-centric this blog has become since old blue eyes popped onto the scene.  I was going to be so careful about not mentioning that stuff.  Nevermind. :)

Middle School Crush

Oh my goodness.  I am acting like such a twelve year old right now, and I honestly mean that in the best way possible.

You remember those middle school days when you would have a crush on a boy, right?  When you would get excited just to see him in the hallway and you would think of silly ways to accidentally-on-purpose bump into him?  (Well, at least that's what I did.)  That's pretty much how I've been acting lately.  Okay, I'm not bumping into anyone, but when talking to my friends (one in particular since she knows the guy), I find myself saying things like: "And then he walked past me, when he totally could have gone around the other way since he knew I was there!" and "He took a double take when he saw me today!"  Sigh.  I'm having so much fun with it though.  And it's those feelings of, I just want to tell everyone that I have a crush on so-and-so, but yet, I don't want anyone to know, but yet, I want everyone to know!

But then sometimes I go into what-if-something-actually-happened mode:

- would he really like me back?

- what if we went out and things were awkward?

- what if we started seriously dating?  Is he really someone I'd want to have a long relationship with?

- am I mature enough for something long term?

- what happens if/when there's a break up?

Why do all these questions have to come along?  Why can't I just live in the moment and enjoy the silliness of my middle school crush?  Why do I have to overthink everything?

These weren't really questions I concerned myself with at twelve, with the exception of the first one.  It was a time when "going out" simply meant holding hands in the hallway and being driven to a movie by the parentals.

I guess I'll just continue with my silliness (check), have fun (check), not expect anything (I'll have to work on that one), and see where it leads!

Garlic bread saved my night :)

So it's been a rough couple days working in the cafe, plus just an extra emotional rollercoaster with the holidays coming up and my dog not being here anymore for them.  But tonight I came home and there were three slices of garlic bread leftover from dinner waiting for me!  That seriously boosted my spirits.

Well, that and the fact that I had a ten minute conversation with blue-eyed boy today, which is quite an accomplishment. :)

5 Randoms

1) Britney Spears' "Womanizer" is stuck in my head.  It's really good though.  I'm really proud of her and am glad to see her doing so much better.  I listened to a sampler from her new album and it seems to be a winner.  Boy don't try to front/I, I know just just what you are are are...

2) If you love "The Office" and John Krasinski, you HAVE to watch this interview with him.  He is a great storyteller and this proves it.  It was actually this video that introduced me to him and made me start watching "The Office" just so I could see more.

3) I have to be at work today at 5pm.  I'm bored though (which is partly why I'm blogging), so I want to go in early, but then I'll just be bored at work.  At least at home I can still chill in my sweats.  I like having these days where I pretty much have the whole day before going to work and I don't have any other plans.  I'll usually end up trying something new with my hair.  Today I straightened it.  I know it's straight already, but right now it's like Jennifer Aniston in "Friends" straight.  I'm playing around with "The Hills" style hairstyles since they always do interesting things with their hair.

4) I'm looking over this post so far and it's making me think: I know TV show titles are put in quotations while movies would be italicized, but italicized usually looks cooler.  I can't let go of my English major upbringing though, so they'll stay in quotations.

5) I had a few conversations with blue eyed boy yesterday.  I told him that he was like Frank Sinatra because of the Old Blue Eyes thing, having previously gotten the hint that he is a fan of Frank.  Unfortunately, he's quiet and can be kind of expressionless, so I have no clue if he was flattered or thinks I'm crazy.  Maybe I'll find out in the next few days.  But in the mean time, I have to figure out my hair (since it's my thing, according to Courtney) and which Hills star to copy! :)